*CHARLIE'S ANGELS* Directed by McG Written by Ryan Rowe, Ed Solomon and John August Scene 1. _Plane_ CHINESE MAN Thank you. Forty. For-ty. Forty. FLIGHT ATTENDANT I said, `Look, lady, it's not the seats that have gotten smaller, it's your ass that's got bigger.' I'm sorry, sir. This cabin is restricted to first class. MR.~ JONES Are you looking for this? FLIGHT ATTENDANT Is there anything I can get you? MR.~ JONES Scotch. Blended. Straight. CAPTAIN Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a report of some turbulence up ahead. I'd like to ask you to please return to your seats and fasten your seat belts, and remain there until we release the fasten-seat-belt sign. PASQUAL I hear birds can't fly this high. MR.~ JONES I hear only angels can. Where's the bomb? PASQUAL I am the bomb. FLIGHT ATTENDANT Shall I pour your scotch? MR.~ JONES No, I'll take the bottle. Thank you. Another movie from an old TV show. PASQUAL Ah, what are you going to do? MR.~ JONES Walk out. PASQUAL Very funny. MR.~ JONES No, it isn't. PASQUAL What are you doing?! What are you doing?! What are you doing?! Get off of me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Be careful! Scene 2. _Speedboat_ NATALIE Nice flight? PASQUAL You crazy bastard! DYLAN I think you mean `crazy bitch.' PASQUAL What is this? What's going on here? DYLAN Damn, I hate to fly. PASQUAL No way! No way! What's with that?! Who are you people?! Who are you people?! Scene 3. _Intro_ CHARLIE Once upon a time, there were three very different little girls. Who grew up to be three very different women. QUIZ MASTER ... making her a five-day champion. Way to go, Natalie. CHARLIE But they have three things in common: They're brilliant, they're beautiful... REFORM OFFICER I'm going to be all over you! You will be kissing my ass... CHARLIE ... and they work for me. My name is Charlie. DYLAN Let's go this way. ALEX No, no, no, no! This way! NATALIE Wait you guys, I'm not a yo-yo! Scene 4. _Chad's Boat_ CHAD Just call me angel of the morning, baby, just brush my cheek before you leave, oh yeah. Good morning, Starfish. DYLAN Good morning, Chad. Sweet Chad. CHAD I figured we could have a little breakfast. And then, maybe, after, we could have a little Chad. DYLAN Hold that thought. Hello? Yes, I'll be right in. Isn't that just the luck? CHAD Hey, I can make something else if you don't want eggs. DYLAN No, it's not the eggs. CHAD Is it the boat? DYLAN It's not the boat. I have to go now. CHAD Is it the Chad? DYLAN It might be the Chad. CHAD It's the Chad! It's the Chad! Scene 5. _Natalie's House_ NATALIE Eduardo, move me. Good morning. You know, I signed that release waiver, so you should feel free to stick things in my slot. UPS DELIVERYMAN Thanks. NATALIE No problem. Hello! Hey! I'll be right in. Scene 6. _Jason's Trailer_ ALEX I want to get one thing straight between us. JASON Go ahead. We're way past keeping secrets at this point. ALEX This is going to be long, hard and rough. JASON Sometimes when it's rough, I just get there faster. ALEX If you don't defuse this bomb, Logan, L.A.~ is going to be a new underwater attraction. JASON Which wire? The red one or the blue one? ALEX Pam pam pam! JASON That is not helping. ALEX Ooh, my muffins. JASON But this is stupid, anyway. I mean, why wouldn't I just yank the wire? ALEX No honey, those are dummy wires. The real mechanism is inside, encased in a titanium shell. If you trip the external feedback circuit, the bomb will detonate. JASON Wow! You know, for a bikini waxer, you know an awful lot about bombs. ALEX Isn't it amazing how much information you can learn off of the internet? BOTH Hello! ALEX Yeah. Okay. I'll be right there. JASON When do I get to meet this Charlie? ALEX Charlie's not a very social person. JASON But Charlie's a chick though, right? I mean, definitely a woman, right? Scene 7. _Charlie's Office_ ALEX I don't know if I can keep up this facade with Jason anymore. DYLAN You don't want to be with a man who's intimidated by a strong woman anyway. ALEX You know, they come on all fine, until they find out I can shatter a block with my forehead. NATALIE I love that trick. ALEX Blueberry muffins. I made them from scratch. NATALIE Yum. Sounds good. Hm! These look great, Alex. DYLAN Oh, my God. NATALIE Ow. BOSLEY What do you call this? DYLAN Chinese fighting muffin. BOSLEY Nothing to laugh about. A buddy of mine took a fighting muffin in the chest. They sent him home in four Ziploc bags. ALEX They're not Chinese. They're not fighting. They're blueberry. BOSLEY Alex, you okay? NATALIE She's having trouble with her secret identity, Bos. BOSLEY Aren't we all? Scoot. Alex. All my Angels. The heart is a muscle. In body building, we exercise the muscle, and it grows bigger and stronger. It's the same with the heart. DYLAN I must have the heart of a rhino. BOSLEY You do. And you be proud of it. Mes Anges, these little hurts will heal. And at crunch time, your hearts will be so buff, you'll be able to clean and jerk his love, three sets, ten reps each. ALEX Thanks, Bos. NATALIE Thanks, Bos. BOSLEY Excuse me. I have to take a phone call. CHARLIE Good morning, Angels. ALL Good morning, Charlie. CHARLIE Dylan, Alex, Natalie, I hope you're rested and ready for your next assignment. Meet Eric Knox, a brilliant engineer and the founder of Knox Technologies, an up-and-coming communications software company. Last night, Knox was kidnapped, and his voice-identification software was stolen. VIVIAN [on tape] Wait... DYLAN Who's the lady left behind? CHARLIE Vivian Wood, she's the president of Knox Technologies. NATALIE Oh, she did it. VIVIAN Well, I guess we can all go home then. BOSLEY Angels, meet Vivian Wood, our new client. VIVIAN Hi. BOSLEY She's hired us to help find Eric Knox. DYLAN Hello. ALEX Hi. DYLAN Miss Wood, who would have the most to gain from Knox's disappearance? VIVIAN Me, probably. I'm his partner. Before we were partners, we were friends. NATALIE Does Knox have any enemies to speak of? CHARLIE Roger Corwin. He's owner of Red Star systems, the largest communications satellite firm in the world. BOSLEY Six months ago, he tried to buy out Knox Technologies, and when Knox refused to sell, Corwin just lost it. DYLAN Charming. ALEX Was there a ransom demand? VIVIAN Nothing. But I know he's still alive. NATALIE I'll study the garage footage. Maybe there's something there. ALEX So Corwin is our only and best lead, and hopefully he'll take us to Knox. CHARLIE Corwin gets a weekly massage at Madame Wong's House of Blossoms. That's our chance to feel him out. Scene 8. _House of Blossoms_ CORWIN He said what? `Over my dead body'? I can accept those terms. It's getting a little chilly in here, Yoko. I could use some warming up. ALEX At your service. CORWIN Good. Could we get started this millennium? ALEX Banzai! CORWIN Ooh, yeah. ALEX You're holding a lot of tension in your 4th and 5th vertebrae. Let me see if I can work that out. Just by activating the right energy points, you can increase circulation, alleviate pain, or even render a man unconscious. NATALIE Okay, let's go. Palm Pilot. DYLAN Got the car key. ALEX I got his schedule. ALEX You must have dozed off. CORWIN You're very good with your hands. I could use someone like you on my staff. ALEX Thanks for the offer, but my hands aren't going anywhere near your staff. Scene 9. _Burgers_ ALEX If Corwin is behind Knox's disappearance, he's got someone else doing his dirty work, guaranteed. DYLAN Nat, how's it coming with the kidnapping footage? NATALIE I'm just enhancing a reflection from the car window. SALESPERSON May I take your order, please? DYLAN Yeah, I'd like three cheeseburgers, three French fries and three cherry pies. What do you guys want? NATALIE I got a clean frame on one of the kidnappers. ALEX Creepy Thin Man. DYLAN Oh good, now we have the bad guy. All we have to do is look for him. NATALIE Find out if he works for Corwin. DYLAN What's Corwin doing tonight? ALEX Who's up for crashing a party? Many Scenes 10. _Corwin's Party_ NATALIE Bos. DYLAN Thanks, Nat. NATALIE No problem. It's a mic-transmitter, Bos. You just stick it on your back molar like a cap. BOSLEY I know. It's a mouth-mic. Sure. ALEX We'll be able to always stay in touch the whole time. BOSLEY Okay, we're in deep cover now, so if you can't remember John David, just call me J.D. All right? Think of... ALEX Jelly doughnut. DYLAN Jack Daniels. ALEX Juvenile delinquents. DYLAN John DeLorean. There's your date, J.D. CORWIN Excuse me, ladies. Roger Corwin. Welcome. BOSLEY John David Rage, self-help guru. CORWIN John David... Rage? ALEX Relax, Bos. Order a drink. BOSLEY Excuse me. Miss? NATALIE Yes? Hi. BOSLEY Hi... miss. CORWIN A hammerhead, please. NATALIE No problem. DYLAN Any creepy thin men? ALEX Lots of creepy, none thin. GUEST I was wondering if... ALEX No. GUEST So there's... ALEX No. GUEST ... no chance that... ALEX No. PETE That's incredible. NATALIE What is? PETE Your smile. NATALIE Thanks. BOSLEY This place, it's Japanese, is it not? CORWIN It's a 13th-century Shinto temple. I had it... I had it FedEx'd from Kyoto. Blowfish? BOSLEY Isn't that poisonous? CORWIN It's a rare delicacy for the man who has no fear of an excruciating death. DYLAN Technically, one in sixty it's fatal. BOSLEY Tastes like chicken. Although it would go very nicely with broccoli. CORWIN The man laughs at death. NATALIE Good work, Bos. Now see if you can get him to talk about Knox. CORWIN At last, a worthy adversary. But let's see if you can survive a test of intuition and judgment. DYLAN Nat, what are you doing, that bartender is cute. NATALIE I'm working. ALEX He likes you. Go back and flirt a little. PETE That was fast. NATALIE They don't call me Balls-Out Natalie for nothing. PETE Right. I haven't seen you around this place before, are you new? NATALIE Brand new. I'm like a virgin, you know. I mean, it's my first time... Here at Corwin's. ALEX Oh, boy. She's going down. DYLAN No way. He's into her. ALEX Just pick up the tray and walk away. DYLAN No, no, no, no, no. Stay. Stay and talk to him. ALEX Flip your hair. NATALIE What? ALEX Flip your goddamn hair. PETE I'm sorry. Say, excuse me. I'm sorry. I don't usually do this, but I was wondering... Of course that is unless you're already seeing someone else, maybe you know, that... NATALIE Yeah. PETE Of course you are, sorry. NATALIE No, no, no! I'm not seeing anyone. Free. PETE Okay, Thursday? NATALIE My favorite day. PETE Great. I'll going to get tickets. NATALIE I love tickets! ALEX What do you know? A guy who speaks Natalie. DYLAN Where's J.D.? BOSLEY Somebody help me up, please? Hello, girls? Are you hearing me? ALEX Thin Man, ten o'clock. Why do they always run? Scene 11. _Chinatown_ NATALIE Watch it! DYLAN Nat! Brace! Jump! NATALIE Check 'em all! ALEX Clear! NATALIE Clear! DYLAN Clear! Knox. Scene 12. _Charlie's Office_ CHARLIE Great work, Angels, but our job's only half-finished. There's still the matter of Mr.~ Knox's stolen technology. DYLAN So what's so special about your software? KNOX Oh, like it's really... It's really quite amazing. We developed a program. You see, everyone's voice is unique. It has a unique signature, like a snowflake. And it can be mapped, somewhere in the way of a fingerprint... VIVIAN It's audio DNA. It makes it impossible to disguise or scramble a voice signal. CHARLIE Which is exactly why Corwin wants it. NATALIE Of course. All Red Star's tele-communication satellites have global positioning systems. ALEX Combine that with voice identification. Red star could turn any cell phone into a homing device. VIVIAN No one could hide. Imagine if this got into the wrong hands, how dangerous it would be. It's the end of privacy. CHARLIE That's where you come in, Angels. Corwin is premiering his Red Star racer at the California Speedway. ALEX That's our change for a little recon. We should plant a hidden camera on Corwin. CHARLIE Looks like it's off to the races, Angels. Scene 13. _California Speedway_ CORWIN When Roger Corwin first got involved in the world of racing, a lot of people said it was a stopgap for my waning libido. I had them all fired. What's so funny? I did. Thanks for coming to this little test run. ALEX Nat, I'm going in. CORWIN But what can I say? It's a Red Star day for me. Then I guess it's back to the day-to-day grind of world domination and enslavement. Hi. ALEX Work your magic. DYLAN It's hot out there. Hm, it's hot in here too. CORWIN'S DRIVER Maybe I can make you a little more comfortable. Just a second. DYLAN Oh, I've come undone. That feels good. Thank you. BOSLEY It's nice, I like what you've done with it. Ours got bigger mirrors. DYLAN I love cars. CORWIN'S DRIVER You like fast cars? DYLAN I like fast everything. CORWIN'S DRIVER Oh, my God. DYLAN Thanks for the ride. CORWIN'S DRIVER You're welcome. ALEX Mission accomplished. Tomorrow morning, Corwin is giving us a guided tour of Red Star. CORWIN Ride 'em, cowboy. Make me proud. ALEX Nat! Hey, what's going on? NATALIE We got a old friend on the track. That creep from Chinatown. DYLAN Creepy Thin Man. ALEX Nat, it's a round track. He's not going anywhere. DYLAN She's going after him. Scene 14. _Charlie's Office_ CHARLIE With the micro camera we planted on Corwin's briefcase, we have been able to study Red Star's layout. NATALIE There's the mainframe, just behind that door. KNOX That's where my software would be, but the security looks incredible. ALEX Yeah. Restricted access. DYLAN Fingerprint I.D. NATALIE Retinal scanner. CHARLIE Angels, break it down. DYLAN Only two directors of Red Star have access to the mainframe room. In order to get through the security system, they have to synchronize their entrance. A gelatin scanning plate takes exact fingerprints. NATALIE A laser accurate to .009 millimeters scans the retina. ALEX The mainframe is accessible only through an airless antechamber. A surveyance monitored clean room. NATALIE There's only one way to get through undetected. Be invisible. ALEX The floor is rigged with pressure sensitivity. Any contact which exceeds .25 seconds will trigger the alarm. VIVIAN Sounds impossible. NATALIE Sounds like fun! Scene 15. _Director 1_ Scene 16. _Director 2_ DYLAN Mein Siegenbock ist sexy! ALEX Jahaa! DIRECTOR'S BUDDY They got the wrong address. DIRECTOR Shh! Scene 17. _Red Star_ NATALIE You ready to whip them into shape, or what, Alex? DORIS You must be Miss Aarons. I'm Doris. I'm sorry for all this confusion. I had you on the schedule for next week. Not for this week. I don't know what happened. ALEX That's what I'm here to find out. DORIS Well, you are the efficiency expert? ALEX Yes. I am. DORIS Bitch. ALEX I heard that. Your methodologies are antiquated and weak. Your procedures of approval ensure that only the least radical ideas are rewarded. Meanwhile, your competition is innovating! DYLAN Ow. ALEX You. What was the last suggestion you made to your boss? EMPLOYEE I thought the Coke machine should be free. ALEX Why? EMPLOYEE Because caffeine helps us program. ALEX Perfect. Smart, simple, and logical. And what did your boss say? EMPLOYEE He said no. ALEX Question! Who builds this company's products? You do. Engineers do. Not managers. They should be answering to you, not you to them! Who else has an idea like this man's Coke machine? All right! Tell me. Better yet... can anyone show me? NATALIE It's not working. NATALIE [flashback] There's only one way to get through undetected. Be invisible. ALEX [flashback] The floor is rigged with pressure sensitivity. Any contact which exceeds .25 seconds will trigger the alarm. GUARD Thank you, sir. NATALIE Okay. I hope you don't mind if we look around. Scene 18. _Outside_ KNOX So you're saying that we have complete access to Red Star's computer. ALEX And they have no idea we can peek inside. KNOX Well, you guys are tremendous. Thanks. VIVIAN I, well, I'm just looking for evidence of Knox Technologies software in the Red Star system. Where is it? ALEX Oh, Bosley has it back at the agency in the laptop. It has a direct link to the Red Star mainframe. VIVIAN Bosley? Oh. Maybe we should be doing our own analysis. Surely Eric would be the best person to... NATALIE Well, our goal was to find out whether or not Red Star had stolen your software. It would be unethical for us to give you full access to their systems. DYLAN We get any proof, we'll give it to you right away. KNOX Yeah, that makes sense. That's cool. Right? Right, Viv? VIVIAN Hm. ALEX [foreign language] You know, Knox may not be out of danger yet. DYLAN [foreign language] Smile. Don't panic the client. NATALIE [foreign language] One of us should check security at his house. DYLAN [foreign language] Absolutely. I agree. Scene 19. _Knox's House_ KNOX Is everything all right? DYLAN Yeah. Nothing up here. KNOX Wow, that was cool. DYLAN Who's the Green Beret? KNOX That's my dad. DYLAN That's nice. KNOX And that's the guy who killed him. Yeah. They were in the Army Intelligence together. This was his best friend. He turned on him. DYLAN I'm sorry. KNOX Thanks. DYLAN Why do you keep it? KNOX Oh, to remind me. Be careful who you trust. Don't take any wooden nickels. What about you? Did you ever have parents? I mean... I know you have parents, but I mean... Where's your mom? DYLAN My mom died when I was six, and I never met my father. KNOX You never met your father? DYLAN No. KNOX And now you work for a man you've never seen. That's an interesting trend. That was smooth. Want to play Scrabble? You know what? Don't worry about it. I got somebody... DYLAN That's okay. KNOX What are they called? You know those... DYLAN So, okay. This is a panic button. KNOX Okay. DYLAN And, if you just press it, then any one of us, whoever's closest, will be here, like that, if there's any problem. KNOX Like that? Okay. Oh, right now, that would be you. DYLAN But right now you don't have a problem. KNOX Yeah, I do. I don't know how to make chicken. Scrabble? Shake 'N Bake? I'll shake, you bake? DYLAN I want to shake. Scene 20. _Soul Train_ NATALIE Hey, Pete. PETE How's it going? NATALIE Good. How are you? PETE Good. It's good to see you. NATALIE See you. PETE You want your ticket? NATALIE All right! PETE All right! NATALIE Thanks for giving me a chance. PETE Are you kidding? I really wanted to see you. NATALIE Really? PETE Yeah. You look great. NATALIE Thank you. Scene 21. _Outside Restaurant_ GIRL I've thought a lot about us. I was wondering... JASON No, no, no, no. I know you have something to say, but I have something to say too. I've been thinking a lot about you and me and, well, us. And I know that we have these crazy lives, but I can't help it. I love you. Scene 22. _Bosley's House_ COMPUTER Searching Red Star mainframe for Knox Technologies software. Software not detected. BOSLEY Coming. Hello. VIVIAN Trick or treat for UNICEF. BOSLEY That's a very nice costume, young lady. VIVIAN It glows in the dark. Scene 23. _Soul Train_ PETE I hope you like to dance. NATALIE Are you kidding? I love to dance! GUARD You. You want to dance on-stage? PETE Us? BOTH Yes! GUARD No, the stage is for the ladies. PETE Okay. NATALIE Oh, then you know, don't worry about it. I'll just find a spot on the floor, it's okay. PETE No, no, wait a second, look. This is like Soul Train's highest honor. I'm not going to sit here and let you not go up there. So yeah, she'll go. NATALIE Really? Because I have always wanted to go up there! PETE Have a great time. NATALIE Okay. I'll be back. Scene 24. _Bosley's House_ BOSLEY Ms.~ Wood, there are some lines that I never cross. VIVIAN Lines have never stopped me, John. It's `Miss.' And it's `Vivian.' BOSLEY Okay. Miss Viv. Miss Vivian. All right, miss Vivian, you're a pro. I mean, you're not a pro, but you're an executive. We have to keep our relationship professional. VIVIAN May I? BOSLEY I'll get you a glass. Scene 25. _Soul Train_ PETE She's pretty great, isn't she? I said, she's pretty great, right? You guys are in really good shape, you know. Definitely. Definitely. All right, the Robot! Yeah! CROWD Go, white girl! Go, white girl! PETE That's old school, right? Definitely. Old school! I'm Pete. How are you? The Running Man! Look at that! Incredible! NATALIE Really? PETE It was great! NATALIE I'm having so much fun! This is so exciting! You know, I have to go number one. Scene 26. _Outside Restaurant_ JASON Look, what I'm trying to say is, will you marry me? Oh, no, baby! Baby?! Baby?! God, no. Damn you, Salazar. Damn you, Salazar! DIRECTOR Cut! JASON Was that over the top? It felt over the top. DIRECTOR No, no. That is the best shot, the best scene, the best movie on the planet! Take a look! Scene 27. _Jason's Trailer_ ALEX Hi. How was your day? Great. You know how superheroes have these secret identities, where they... No. No superheroes. You're an action star. I get a lot of action. Just so lame. Scene 28. _Soul Train_ NATALIE Hey, girls, you having fun? I'm having so much fun I could just die. Scene 29. _Jason's Trailer_ ALEX Jason, I'm one-third of an elite crime-fighting team backed by an anonymous millionaire. Yes! That's it! Scene 30. _House of Blossoms_ CORWIN What are you doing here? Scene 31. _Jason's Trailer_ ALEX Perfect. Scene 32. _Soul Train_ THUG Hey. NATALIE Hey. Scene 33. _Jason's Trailer_ THUGS Come on! Go! Hit it! ALEX Murphy O'Meyer, that does it. Scene 34. _Soul Train_ NATALIE Who sent you? Who?! THUG Woo... Woo... NATALIE Who? THUG Woo... Vivian... NATALIE Spit it out! THUG Vivian Wood! You bitch. Scene 35. _Bosley's House_ BOSLEY I love a fire. Scene 36. _Jason's Trailer_ JASON Hey. ALEX Oh, my God! You're hit! JASON No, no, no. I mean, the squibs hurt a bit when they go off, but I'm fine. What happened to my trailer? ALEX Jason. I haven't been honest with you. JASON Were you in there when that happened? Look at it. ALEX I'm not a bikini waxer. JASON Bummer. I mean, that was kind of a turn-on. ALEX I have to go. JASON Charlie? ALEX Yeah. Scene 37. _Soul Train_ NATALIE I have to go, I can't explain right now, but will you call me tomorrow? PETE Of course. NATALIE Great. Thanks. Excuse me. GUARDS You're bad. PETE Guys, guys, finally you warm up a little bit. Scene 38. _Knox's House_ NATALIE Dylan? Hey, it's Nat. Listen, Vivian Wood is a fake and an all-around bitch. Her assassin just paid me a visit. We gotta warn Knox. DYLAN Well, I'm at his house right now. NATALIE You are? DYLAN Um, you know what? Call Alex and meet me at the agency. NATALIE Dylan? Dylan! Shit. DYLAN Hey, don't stand next to the window, 'cause it's not safe. KNOX Hey. Oo, toga. Oh God. DYLAN Listen, I just found out that... Who's that? VIVIAN Working undercover? DYLAN Well, it's a full-service job. VIVIAN Hm. I'll bet. I can see by your `gown' that you're unarmed. Some maniac could just stroll in off the street and blow you both to bits. KNOX Hey, Viv, you're obsessed. All work and no play makes Viv a dull girl. VIVIAN I just got to tie up some loose ends here, why don't you take a seat. KNOX Want some champagne? DYLAN `Enemy.' KNOX I know. VIVIAN Sad news. Your girlfriends are dead. And Corwin? KNOX I don't think it's going to work out, you and me. Which is a real bummer, you know, you, Dylan, are a tomcat in the sack. Let me get this straight, you're a woman. Women have natural intuition. And you're a detective. And you had no idea that this was going to happen? VIVIAN I knew. KNOX Uh-huh. She knew. VIVIAN And I know what's going to happen next. KNOX Tell her, baby. VIVIAN All the Angels are going to heaven. DYLAN And Bosley? KNOX Oh, we'll keep him. We like him. And his computer too. VIVIAN He's special. KNOX Uh-huh. DYLAN Corwin had nothing to do with this. KNOX No. But I never really liked him. DYLAN And the kidnapping was a setup. KNOX Afraid so. DYLAN And Red Star was a setup. KNOX Uh-huh. You got it all figured out. Any other questions? DYLAN Why? KNOX Ask your boss. DYLAN Charlie? You're after Charlie. KNOX Charlie, Charlie, Charlie. They say that in death all life's questions are answered. You let me know? Let's go get Charlie. Come on. Scene 39. _Outside Charlie's Office_ ALEX Are you all right? What's going on? NATALIE Something's going on. ALEX Where's Dylan? Scene 40. _Knox's House_ KNOX [slowed down] They say in death, all life's questions are answered. You let me know? So what are we doing? House of Pancakes? Or Sizzler? VIVIAN Oh, you are like the cheapest man on the planet. Scene 41. _Below Knox's House_ BLACK BOY So, what did they look like? WHITE BOY Oh, I don't know. It was, like, all cool and stuff. BLACK BOY You've never seen a booby. WHITE BOY Have too. BLACK BOY Have not. WHITE BOY I've seen lots of boobies. BLACK BOY Yeah, right. WHITE BOY Yahah! DYLAN A little help? Scene 42. _Outside Charlie's Office_ DYLAN Don't ask. ALEX Where's Knox? Is he okay? DYLAN Oh, he's great. He's the bad guy. The kidnapping was a setup. He's behind the whole thing. NATALIE What? Why? DYLAN He wasn't exactly forthcoming when he shot me out... NATALIE Oh my God, Bosley! DYLAN He's safe! Knox already has him. ALEX Wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Bosley is with the man who just tried to kill us. How does that make him safe? DYLAN Because he won't kill Bosley until he kills Charlie. ALEX Kills Charlie? Oh, Jesus. DYLAN Look, I don't know what his plan is, but I know that we can stop him. If Knox thinks we're dead, why would he blow up the agency? Why does he want Charlie? ALEX All we know for sure is that he wanted us to break into Red Star. VIVIAN [flashback] Imagine if this got into the wrong hands, how dangerous it could be. NATALIE Knox used us to tap into Red Star's mainframe not to get back his software, but to gain control over their global positioning satellites. ALEX And with his software Knox could match Charlie's voice over the phone. NATALIE And use Red Star satellites to track him. ALEX Why would Knox go to so much trouble to find Charlie? KNOX [flashback] And that's the guy who killed him. They were in the Army Intelligence together. This was his best friend, he turned on him. DYLAN Knox thinks Charlie killed his father. NATALIE So if Knox can intercept Charlie when he uses a cell phone... ALEX ... he can pinpoint his exact location. NATALIE Yeah, but Knox has to get Charlie on the phone before he can start the trace. ALEX No one knows how to reach him, the only person that Charlie calls directly is... DYLAN ... Bosley. Scene 43. _Castle_ and _Outside Charlie's Office_ BOSLEY May I have some ice water, please? Fly to me, Angels! Please come! Please fly to me, Angels! I'm not surprised, because I had a real long talk with a squirrel, one time. Longer than I can talk to most humans. Hello? Hello? Hello. Hello out there. DYLAN Any sign of Bosley's laptop? NATALIE They must have taken it when they grabbed him. ALEX We should check Knox's place for any lead. DYLAN Let's move. NATALIE Okay. I'll drive. BOSLEY Angels?! Angels, help me! NATALIE Bosley? BOSLEY Angels! We begin our broadcast day! Baby. Come and get me, girls! If you can follow the sound of my voice, then draw some triangles or something to get to this location and save me! DYLAN Is there a way to trace him? ALEX Even with our equipment, he'd have to be within twenty miles. BOSLEY The place where they've got me looks like Cher's bedroom. And it, it stinks. NATALIE Come on Bosley, tell us where you are. BOSLEY It smells actually like the ocean. And if I look out the window, I see the ocean. DYLAN He could be anywhere this half of North America. BOSLEY Jack, tell them where I am. NATALIE Oh! DYLAN What? NATALIE It's a Sitta pygmaea! A pygmy nuthatch! They only live in one place! Carmel! BOSLEY I can't tell you anything else except, this feels like it could be the first day of the last of my life. You know what I mean? Or the last day of the first of my life, or something. I think I'm in trouble. Scene 44. _Car_ ALEX I have a lighthouse, two bel air hotels, seven manor houses, one owned by the National Parks service, one owned by Nick Xero Corporation, and another by Rollo... DYLAN Wait a minute, is Xero spelled `X' or `Z'? ALEX `X.' DYLAN It's an anagram. Rearranged the letters and you'll get `Eric Knox.' ALEX Scrabble freak. There's an old tunnel leading down to the shore, it looks like the best way to get in undetected is the sea approach. We're going to need a boat. NATALIE And a cover. We can't actually pull up with a speedboat. DYLAN Head to the marina. Scene 45. _Chad's Boat_ Scene 46. _Castle_ Scene 47. _Chad's Boat_ NATALIE Hey, Chad, does this thing go any faster? We're kind of in a hurry, and I could really open it up if you wanted me to drive, I could drive, right? CHAD I'm sorry, friend of Starfish. There's only one captain of this love boat. That captain is me, the Chad. NATALIE The Chad. Chad, captain of the love boat. CHAD The Chad. NATALIE We're kind of in a hurry. CHAD I'm the Chad. Scene 48. _Castle_ COMPUTER Knox Technologies voice identification software download confirmed. Red Star satellite network uplink confirmed. KNOX Revenge is fun. Scene 49. _Chad's Boat_ CHAD I have to say, Starfish, that I am honored, honored to see that you've taken an interest in my work. And I think that you're very pretty. And... Starfish? Starfish, where are you going? Starfish, are you going swimming? Where are you going? Where are you going again? Starfish? Was it the Chad? DYLAN No! The Chad was great! CHAD The Chad was great. Many Scenes 50. _Castle_ ALEX I'll tap the signal from the roof. DYLAN Let me go deal with Knox. NATALIE I'm going to go bring our Bosley back. DYLAN `I don't know how to make chicken.' Jerk. KNOX Dylan. Thank God you're alive. Forgive me, you know my better half. DYLAN It figures I would meet the perfect guy and he would already have the perfect girl. VIVIAN Hello, blondie. Her girlfriend's here. KNOX Jimmy, Paulie, go secure Bosley, would you? Like now, now, now, now, now. NATALIE Bos? Bosley? BOSLEY Natalie? Natalie, is that you? Behind this door. NATALIE Oh, Bosley, I'm so happy to see you! We're all here. I'm going to get you out. ALEX Red wire. Blue wire. GPS phone tap. Pygmy nuthatch. NATALIE I'm getting tickled. BOSLEY Who's calling now? NATALIE It's Pete! BOSLEY Pete? NATALIE Hello? Hi, Pete, how are you? PETE I'm good. I just, you know, you said you wanted me to call. NATALIE I did want you to call. I mean, I do want you to call. I mean this... BOSLEY Ask if he can call you back. NATALIE I'm so happy to hear from you. PETE Yeah, now, I really wanted to talk to you. I like spending time with you. I was hoping to see more of you, you know like maybe in a continuous block, you know altogether. NATALIE I know. I know. You know, it's just been kind of crazy this week at work. BOSLEY Ah, Natalie, watch your back! Put the sleeper on. VIVIAN Never send a man to do a woman's job. BOSLEY Nice work, Natalie. NATALIE Thanks, Bosley! Pete? Hi. KNOX You know, Dylan, I think under different circumstances, I think you and I, we'd have made a great couple. DYLAN Yeah, if you hadn't shot me out a window and tried to kill everyone I love, I think we could have had a chance. KNOX Can you keep a secret? I mean, you can't tell anybody, okay. DYLAN That you're disgusting? KNOX You have the fullest, sweetest, most luscious lips I have ever kissed. I just gotta take this call. ALEX Nine o'clock, Charlie. Right on time. Enter. Come on. KNOX Mr.~ Bosley's phone, Eric Knox speaking. CHARLIE Mr.~ Knox? This is Charles Townsend. I'm delighted the Angels came through for you. Are you in the office? ALEX Come on, Charlie, hang up. He's almost got you. KNOX No, we're all down at the beach, having mimosas. Can you join us? CHARLIE I'll take a rain check, Eric, I have made other plans. Is Bosley there? KNOX Oh no, he just went to the men's room. He'll be right back. No, wait wait wait. He's coming. Bosley? ALEX All right, here we go. KNOX Eh, that's not him. Sorry. Can you hold on one second longer? CHARLIE Not a problem. NATALIE I'm sorry, could you hold on a second? PETE Sure, you bet. NATALIE I like him so much. Hey, Bos. KNOX Bosley? He's coming, sir. Sorry, not him. Can I take a message? CHARLIE Just tell him I called, as planned. KNOX Gotcha. NATALIE Just one more sec. PETE Is this a bad time? Because, you just seem like a little distracted. VIVIAN Is this the famous Charlie? PETE No, this is Pete. NATALIE Hey! I like that guy! KNOX That man's got a beautiful telephone voice. That's one more daddy you'll never know. Bad news, baby. I have to leave. I gotta go torture and kill your boss. Mikey, Jerry, you guys like angel cake? NATALIE Do you know how hard it is to find a quality man in Los Angeles? DYLAN Don't take my lighter. Wait, wait, wait, wait! I got something to tell you. By the time this is over, everyone of you is going to be facedown on the floor and I'm going to moon-walk out of here. You're not listening to me. See first, you're going to help me out of my chair. Then I'm going to leapfrog over you, before I break his nose. And since my trusty lighter isn't working, I'm going to do all of this with my hands tied behind my back. THUGS Get her! DYLAN King Kong palm. Buddha on lotus. And that's kicking your ass. NATALIE Alex! DYLAN Hey! Thanks, Bos! Scene 51. _Jeep_ BOSLEY Come on, we're going to miss happy hour. NATALIE Let's go. ALEX He's heading north, just past Paradise Cove! BOSLEY Oh, boy, they found him. That's Charlie's cabin. NATALIE You've seen it? You've seen Charlie? BOSLEY I am his trusted friend and employee. ALEX You've actually met Charlie? BOSLEY What do you mean, `met'? DYLAN Like, you've actually seen him with your own eyes. BOSLEY I saw his hand. ALEX It could have been anyone's hand. Let's see if I can win the teddy bear! Scene 52. _Helicopter_ KNOX Sorry, Charlie. ALEX Get Dylan! The missile's making a round trip! KNOX No. NATALIE Dylan! KNOX No! ALEX Let's go! Scene 53. _Charlie's Cabin_ ALEX Charlie. NATALIE You guys, we're finally going to meet Charlie. DYLAN Do I look okay? ALEX Should we knock? NATALIE Charlie? ALEX Charlie? CHARLIE Good morning, Angels. Sorry I couldn't stick around. NATALIE We're so happy you're okay, Charlie. CHARLIE I'm just fine, Angels. Mission accomplished? DYLAN I think the client was blown away. Scene 54. _Beach_ CHARLIE Eric Knox was born John McCadden. It seems his life's mission was to bring me down. His father was in my Army Intelligence unit, he was working as a double agent. When he was discovered, he was killed by the other side. DYLAN Well, I guess that's not the story Knox heard. BOSLEY Charlie, I've really enjoyed working on this assignment, and I eagerly anticipate returning to work. ALEX Bosley's had one too many Buddhas. DYLAN Bosley's definitely had a few. CHARLIE I already have a team rebuilding the office. It'll be better than new by the time you get back. ALL Thank you, Charlie. DYLAN Is there any chance you'll be joining us, Charlie? CHARLIE I'd love to, Angels. But I have some precious treasures to watch over. ALEX Oh, come on, Charlie, we'll make it fun. NATALIE Yeah, we're drinking from coconuts and Buddhas. ALEX Coconuts! NATALIE So Charlie, how will we ever know you really truly exist, unless you come down here and have a coconut with us? CHARLIE Faith, Angels. It's called faith. DYLAN To Charlie. ALEX To Charlie. NATALIE To Charlie. BOSLEY To Charlie. Let me toast you ladies, with some ice cubes! Many Scenes 55. _Credits_ GUY Safe! NATALIE I have to go. I'm so sorry. DYLAN I should go, now. I really should. ALEX Let's see if I can win the teddy bear! CHAD The Chad is great. He's great. He's great. The Chad is great. He's great. The Chad is great. The Chad is stuck. DYLAN I'm having helmet problems. I'm having serious helmet problems. ALEX Nice!