...reflexive¹

In mathematical logic--I learned later--this phenomenon plays an important role and is called a diagonalization.

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... hypocrites²

``If someone like that is trying to get some private information out of you, then don't tell it. They may insist, but you persist. At last they will give up. And then you can say: `By the way, it was so and so.' This will learn them.''

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... ³

`I feel the air of another planet'

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... shoots⁴

See also the review by barefeetzen on the web-page of this book

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... eyes⁵

Later I learned from Piet Hut that a book commenting on the phenomenological approach, which also takes experience as a point of depart, is called On having no head,, Douglas E. Harding [1988], Arkana.

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... often⁶

Only in the 1990ies in scientific discussions the taboo to mention consciousness was broken. In fact consciousness became a hype. There appeared several journals devoted to the scientific study of consciousness. Some claim that the problem could be solved, in fact was already solved: ``Consciousness consists of our brain processes.'' Others claim that the explanatory gap can never be bridged. The philosophy of mind became a highly technical subject in which philosophers, cognitive psychologists, neurophysiologists and still others take part. See for example Chalmers [1996]: The Conscious Mind: In Search of a Fundamental Theory, in which distinction is made between the easy problem (how does the brain work and give rise to our behavior) and the hard problem (how does the brain give rise to our consciousness). Chalmers gives a plea for extending the present model of physics: consciousness arises as soon as there is a sufficient density of information. Others, notably Stapp [1993] Mind Matter and Quantum Mechanics, claim that consciousness can be explained within present day quantum physics, as this theory is about our knowledge of nature anyhow.

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... groups⁷

CCC Inc. and Doemaar.

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... PhD⁸

See Kreisel, lambda calculus and a windmill for some flavor.

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... one⁹

This later had an important influence on my writing style in logic

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... work¹⁰

Not because the nature of this work, but because of the surrounding dose of `politics'.

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... orgasms¹¹

It was only later that I understood this connection. A music friend who had the same opinion about Daphnis said: ``It is porno, and, mind you, not the soft version of it.'' Because of the negative connotation of this word I prefer to call it `erotic art'.

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... female¹²

One will not find this in books about music, but when I tell this to musicologists they agree. One of them, Margaret Fabrizio, told this in class and was so kind to mention my name, after which a female student asked: ``But how does he know this?'' The feminine aspect of the depicted orgasms in Ravel's Daphnis is the following. The music is highly erotic to begin with (so is the story). Ths is in common with music of Debussy. Then Ravel knows how to increase the sexual tension and to relax it. In this way he creates many pre-orgasms. After these become quite intense one may wonder ``Is this a real orgasm?''. The music makes one think so. But when finally the real one comes one knows: ``This is it. Before was just warming up.''

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... rhythms¹³

This I learned later from Daan Admiraal, the brilliant conductor of the Amsterdam Free University Orchestra when we played the work.

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... clarity¹⁴

Another interesting phenomenon was the following. When not much later the Dance de la Terre started I had already reentered the ordinary state of consciousness. The timpani plays at this passage sixteenths (against triplets in the base drum) and some bars later triplets (against two eigths in the base drum). During the sixteenths one could not see the individual timpani sticks moove, the movement was there in a haze. But during the triplets the individual timpani sticks became visible, like the three balls of a fast juggler. This was an exciting visual addition to the music.

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... block¹⁵

Known under this name in symphony orchestras, mogugyo (`wooden block') in Japanese.

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... wall¹⁶

Indeed in the Soto branch of Zen, the lineage of Kobun Chino, one does sit facing the wall. In the Rinzai branch, with its koans described by Daisetz Suzuki, one sits facing the center. There are other differences. In Soto one sits for periods of 40 minutes and in Rinzai of 25 minutes.

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... calculus¹⁷

Trying to prove that in the $\lambda{\sf I}$-calculus every normal term was solvable.

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... well¹⁸

In five days I could prove that solvability and having a normal form in the $\lambda{\sf I}$-calculus were equivalent.

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... koan¹⁹

But my time in LA was over and I never returned to the Los Angeles Zen Center.

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... monk²⁰

Something like the quorum of PhDs needed in a Dutch PhD ceremony (promotie) to examine the new candidate.

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...han²¹

A rectangular thick shelf of wood hung on ropes as a huge woodblock.

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... Smith²²

Not her real name.

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... goodbye²³

At scientific meetings I find it awkward to leave without saying goodbye, but then often there is no time to shake hands with 50 or more people.

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